Lent: day something

God is good. I have been learning a ton and growing a lot closer to him through Lent. Now I am concerned about not getting enough alone time with Him over the summer. You see, I'll be serving Him and others all day, but we still need to take time to just be together. I don't know how, but I will make sure there is time.

We kind of went on a date tonight, just walking around outside and talking, the snow falling ever so gently. He kept me company and kept me warm. And He gave me the right desires, the ones he wanted to fulfill tonight. He is my provider. I am praying for the funds to go to Hamtramck this Spring break, and, knowing Him, it is already on the way and in the works. I'll lean back and trust him- with that, and with everything. He knows what I need, so he'll provide it, I don't even know what I need- so there's no way I can provide it. Speaking of which, something funny happened yesterday in Centennial gardens, dealing with prayer, but I'd rather not write it here...

Praise His holy name!

Lent, yesterday

It was quite early last night when I finally got into bed, so I didn't blog. It was worth it though- I had a great night of fellowship with like-minded friends. I have met someone with similiar passions, and it's such a blessing to just be around and hear that person's heart. God is good in more ways than a million!

Don't really have much to write (on here) about yesterday. I'm coming along on memorizing Matthew 5 (then the rest of the sermon on the mount), it really helps that a friend is doing it with me! I wish I could have all of God's word in my heart.

In my bible reading yesterday I recall reading about how David said to the Lord, "I'm living in a palace of Cedar, while tthe ark of God is still living in a tent!?" (paraphrased)God replies with the fact that he hasn't dwelt in a tent since bringing the Israelites out of Egypt. God doesn't need big fancy churches, what he'd really love is humble, clean, holy houses dedicated to Him.

Several times in my reading I also noticed people "Celebrating with all their might" what does this look like? I want to celebrate God will my might! Do I already? I don't think I always do- I'll work on that today.

Lent Day 7: It's (only) been one week

Today was jam packed, sadly, no homework involved. God was certainly involved though, and that made it great! Woke up for prayer early despite the late night- God must really want me there- (here I am, up late again). The day was good, you showed yourself powerful in chapel, once again. I went to lunch and got to eat with Phil and discuss Furious Love (an amazing documentary about how God is moving throughout the world, bringing the light of love to darkness), it was so edifying. I always knew there was something different about him, now I know it's you God. Talking with Charlene afterwards was great- just a time of confession as we both spilled things we struggle with- Lent is bringing a lot of my deficiencies to light. Later on I got to go see Beauty and the Beast performed, it was nice to get off campus and see some acting (decent, but not drop-dead amazing). That's not the point though. The point is that I saw "real" people, the kind who buy a bottle of beer during intermission and drink in a circle, chatting with their friends. There was this one guy who caught my eye. No reason really, just a suit jacket with elbow patches, longer hair, interesting glasses, and a confident strut. Not the type of guy you would see on our campus though. I stood on the balcony above, watching their group for a little bit, just wondering what it was like- do they feel empty inside, do they know better and brighter things? I wanted so badly to bring light to their world, to know what it is like inside of their heads, in their lives. After the play I went over and talked to him (I had been staring at his glasses and turned to my friend, commenting on them, I didn't want him to think I was one of those people talking about him right in front of his eyes). I asked if I could try on his glasses, he asked if I was feeling lucky (not sure why). He swore a bit, just part of his vocabulary, it's weird how we even speak a different language. How could I despise him for his speech though? It would be akin to despising a native for speaking the most naturally in their own tongue. I chatted with him for a bit, I hope I brought something to him, though after my guy friends said I was flirting, as we rode back to campus, I don't know what kind of light I brought. So that's the thing with this Lenten sacrifice- I can still have the wrong motives- I can initiate something with someone and not mean a thing, and I can accept an invitation but have the most sinful motives. It's hard, but it may be getting easier. After I returned from the play I ran into some girlfriends from my core last year, we went to Wal-Mart together, it was so enjoyable, just chilling with the girls, I thank God for our time together (he knows when I need to spend more time with girls)!

Started 2nd Samuel today what always stands out is the love Jonathan and David had. When David heard of Jonathan's death he said; (2 Samuel 1:26) "I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother, you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."
What is that like? How can I be a friend like that? It is something I intend to discover, but for now I think I will go share some intimacy with my pillow!

Lent Day 6: Faithful through my Faithlessness

I feel like I've been repeating myself lately, in saying that God is too good. Too good for me at the very least. What he does, how he gives, I don't deserve that- any of it. His loves transcends and surpasses all I expect and can hope for. Basically he blows my mind and pursues my heart every single day.

Today I once again fell asleep reading my Bible- I need to get more sleep or something-(as I write this at 1:15 in the morning). So I sat up and finished up Romans- there is so much in there, so many truths. I know this is cliched, but Romans 13:8 is a verse I am draw to. "Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law." That's it. That's all God ever wanted- for us to love Him- to love each other, those created in His image. Love was too big for us to comprehend so He had to break it down "don't do this and don't do that," but that's not really love, only as close as we can get sometimes.

I wish I could love more.
I need more of God to ever hope to do that.
A lack of intimacy with God is the source of every problem.
As we fall away from love we lose everything that is good and true.
When we near the living flame of love the bad is burnt away, leaving more room for love. I need more room for love. I guess that's why I'm doing this Lenten fast- I want to get rid of the things that take up space in my heart that I could give to God, to Love.

Realized something today... God knows my petty worries (the ones that seem so giant to me), and he provides. Inside I was dying to be with some of my guy friends, but I can't initiate anything: I feel so helpless sometimes. But God is never helpless, and He always helps me. Don't know why- I certainly don't deserve it- Love is so hard to wrap my mind around. God gives because He loves me so much, he is so attentive to my cries that he hears the longings I whisper in the dark of night. When I want to give up and fail He leads me instead to fall on my face before Him and watch as He provides.

I desire so deeply for everyone to know God like this- to see Him as truly living- ALIVE in their very lives.

An interesting verse to consider is Romans 14:23

Thank you SO much Jesus!

Lent Day 5: Crazy Day, learn to PRAY!

Hmmmm... today was one of those days- the crazy kind- but not crazy hectic or horrible, no, none of that: it was crazy good! I did wake up with a bloody nose, it was actually quite scary, the way it was coming out in gobs- and if I leaned my head back it would go down my throat and I would cough up blood. I just wanted it to stop so I could go to prayer. I was on my bed, kind of waiting it out, when I realized I could pray. I cried out to my healer, and he heard and stopped my bloody nose (got to prayer meeting just in time). Then my class that I was concerned about giving a prose reading in got canceled due to the beautiful snow!(also an answer to prayer) and then Benjamin Baker spoke at chapel today- about prayer.

Prayer has been a constant thought in my mind lately; something I'm striving to do more of. Dr. Baker said something (several somethings) that made me think: could it be if we just learned to pray we would learn all other things and fulfill our calling? He spoke of how he was lifter, liberator, savior, and source- basically everything- no, totally everything- so why don't we call on his name more? He said prayer shouldn't just be informational but transformational. We should pray because we are hungry and need to eat. Interesting thoughts- I told myself I would pray more today.

I did my 40 minutes with Jesus today, kind of different this time though. I was doing my devos, but I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open or recite my bible verse, so I fell asleep halfway through. I re-did/finished my devos later, reading through Romans, and it is such an amazing book, I thank God for the ways he speaks. For some reason I was so convicted and brought to prayer by reading Romans (I don't know if I read it for 20 minutes, but I couldn't go on) I got down on my knees and cried out to God. Time flew by like a rocket, and God was so present, his glory everywhere, I was brought so much nearer to Him. It's weird, crazy actually... no, I reckon it's just God working.

This verse stuck out to me, it's Romans 8:13
For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live
If we let sin rule in us we die if we let the Spirit put the sin to death we live. So sin=death but death by the Spirit=life -- a paradox, but so sensible.

I want to be so close to God that I know Him by His first name...

watched "Furious Love" tonight- so much to think about...

A Glimpse into Her World

Can I just say that God is SO good? Honestly, he always, ALWAYS provides for me- even the silly little things that I am too ashamed to ask for. I really needed to practice my prose reading for class today, and in between prayer,class, chapel, class there is no time to do that. I could have skipped prayer, but I feel like skipping out on God doesn't give more or better time, so I stayed with Him. And guess what? Not only was my first class canceled (hurray I can practice!) but on the way back to my dorm I found out that the one I needed to present in was also canceled!

So now I'm sitting in my class just kind of rejoicing. It's in the simple joys, the uncomplicated gifts God gives me everyday of my life (sometimes I get caught up looking for the complicated or catastrophic circumstance to be delivered from, or other foolish things that we humans hope for and do).

Yesterday was a crazy wonderful day in about ten different ways. It wasn't spectacularly unusual by worldly standards- I didn't even go off campus- but that didn't matter. I got to swing dance and be with friends. However, what especially touched me was last night after all the homework and dancing...

I went to the library to print off some homework, and as I sit down to practice my reading (that was to be performed today in class)I notice something: a girl I have never met before. Now, this isn't absolutely out of the question- there are new freshman on campus. As I got to talking with her though I learned that she was actually 27 and is a violin teacher, her name is Elizabeth, isn't that beautiful? She said she had seen me before- that she'd been coming to this library about three times a week for a couple years- I was shocked. Am I really that ignorant about people I don't know? I'd have not liked to think so- but perhaps I am. I asked her if anyone had ever talked to her, or tried to have a conversation; she said she was rather shy and always tried to sit out of the way, that she never really wanted to (not sure if I totally believe she didn't want to talk, only that she was too afraid to) before. But that tonight as she came she said she might talk to someone, that she wouldn't be opposed if someone talked to her. I am so SO glad that she let me talk with her, that she gave me a small glimpse into her world.

Lent Day 5: Time with my Man

Jesus that is.

I was going to do my daily Bible reading today (in Romans now) and opened instead to Ruth. So I read it. I am glad I did; Ruth was part of Christ's family line, I wanted to know why. I noted what was said about her/the characteristics portrayed, here they are;

*Devoted: 1:14 "Ruth clung to her"
*Determined: 1:18 "realized that Ruth was determined to go"
*Respectful 2:10 "she bowed down with her face to the ground"
*Humble " "Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me- a foreigner?"
*Hard-working 2:18 "how much she had gathered"
*Obedient 3:5 "I will do whatever you say"
*Kind 3:10 "this kindness is greater than you showed earlier"
*Noble character 3:11 "all my fellow townsmen know you are a woman of n.c."
*Loving 4:15 "your daughter-in-law, who loves you, and is better to you than 7 sons"

Yup, so those are definitely characteristics I'd like to cultivate.

And that Boaz guy- he sounded pretty nice too ;)

Lent: day 4 "God is TOO good"

Today was going well enough, like most every day of mine, then it changed. I went to Lip Sync, I was working the curtain (part of my illustrious student government job, lol), the show was great, but there were so many people. When I'm around too many people for too long, well, life can get a little weird.

I come back to my dorm and really wanted to call up some of my friends and hang out with them... incidentally they were guys... which I am sacrificing initiating stuff with. I tried to think of clever ways around this sacrifice, nothing. I was a bit frustrated, so I grabbed my guitar and went out to my usual spot and played. After a bit I thought it would be nice to walk- towards the woods would be good. As I was walking I decided to take a shortcut because someone was walking on my original path (don't really like to broadcast my guitar playing). I was praying that I would just run into someone good to talk to, a silly prayer- well, not even a prayer, more wistful thinking than anything. Who runs down the library stairs as I walk past but Phil Smith? Hmmm, I noticed it was really him and said hi, he was going to McDonald's and asked me if I needed a ride anywhere or anything. I said I'd just go with him to McDonald's,he bought me a caramel sundae (my favorite!) the line was moving slowly so we got to talk. It was good- he's such an uplifting friend- I love being with him because he knows stuff. I like it when people are perceptive enough to be like that, perhaps it's because we are so similar in some respects. I don't know if I've ever met such a nice, thoughtful guy- and I know plenty of nice young men. So after that uplifting experience I headed back out to the woods feasting on an ice cream sundae. My fingers were getting a bit cold so I decided to walk through our student center. Something colorful carches my eye on the table, I walk over and pick it up "I am with you..." it says, with a verse about encouraging each other below it. Hmmm, must be something left behind by a group from lunch... Bong, pool balls clash into each other and I decide to walk through the dark and deserted Fireside. I go in there and am heading to a chair when I realize it is not deserted- three people are in here- three guys. One person stuck out to me, my jaw may have dropped- this was the guy I had wanted to see. Another started teasing me because I had my guitar on me (I always rib him about taking his everywhere he goes), the other guy was one who I had went to hear worship at 4 in the morning. What an odd group- and what an odd place to be. They said they thought they'd check out the cougar den- (at the same time as me?)- they said they were here to pick up chicks. I look over my shoulder and around (I am the only chick) we all laugh at the silliness of such a joke. It was good to see friends.

But I don't understand- God answered my prayers- except I didn't even pray them. They were just things I needed. God is so good- he gives me more than I deserve, He knows what is good for me and never fails to provide. Who is this God that loves me so much.
I had to ask myself some questions and think some things...

As if the cross weren't enough
As if that sacrifice
could not suffice
it paid the price
still there's life
and a hole in it to be filled
as that hole is filled I see
your love is still alive

Sometimes giving Him 40 minutes of alone time is tough- but in the end always the most rewarding thing I could do. May I always choose Him first and foremost.

Lent: Day 3 "It's happening again!"

Update on my Lent fast:
This is terrific, Facebook is the easiest by far- who needs that silly social networking unit when you live among people you love? Not I!

Spending 40 minutes with God is perfect- I love Him so much and just wish I could be more attentive as he tries to reveal stuff to me. I pray her will continue to unblind my eyes and open my ears that I could fully see and hear Him.

The boy-sacrificing is going well, but I think it is the most difficult; yet, rewarding at the same time. I question if I am staying true to the heart of the matter in some of the things that I do. There is one small wave on this smooth sea- far away- yet still visible. I asked God for an undivided heart tonight at Awakening (our 24 hour worship/prayer), it's so hard... nadie puede servir dos amas... Recuerdo cuando tratar (y fracasar). I know this is a good thing for me to give up, but in doing so I see all motive and desires in such a different light- or maybe it's just that I'm seeing them for the first time...

Life is good though- I have my own room and it makes worshiping and praying and sharing alone time with God so so much easier. God is good, and I am forever grateful to Him!

Oh yeah- what is happening again is that guys are initiating stuff, I'll see if this is a trend or just this one man- whatever the case I know I'll learn from these experiences.

Ramblings

Would you let me in?
Are you shutting me out?
Is there really open while I stand here?
Would you let me in?
I want to know this oneness you tell of
could you show me these treasures?
I'm dying to know, as I see this joy
overflowing, so far beyond measure
can we walk together for a while
as I sneak a glance-charming smile
my hands are restless, what should I do
as I walk here, so close, too close to you
I can't find my pockets in the wind's biting chill
I rummage around for warmth, yet am frozen still
then your hand reaches out, grasping mine
what life gushed into my fingers from thine
what's to stop our love from lasting forever?
only as time does us part, cruel age to severe
but I offer myself to you freely
I want you- truly, really
I am reaching out, but this feels so weird
caught in a tizzy- don't know which way's up
my motives are rushing to the top like
tree branches to the sun
what if someone can see the roots these stem from?
tear out all of me that you desire not
change me to love Lord

Sacrificing boys...

or rather sacrificing initiating stuff with them.

It's the most incredible thing (I have to keep stopping myself from inviting my guy friends to do stuff) guys are stepping up! "What!?" you say; yes, that is what I said- guys are stepping up and initiating stuff with me. It feels so much more, hmmmm, how do give words to this? Right. Yes, that's it, I feel more fulfilled, like things are in their natural order (instead of me throwing a wrench in it all). I'd totally forgotten that David had invited me (or did I invite myself before Lent?) to go swimming with a gang of guys. I really wanted to but totally forgot. But picture this: I'm sitting at a table outside the DC, David walks past in that certain way he has of walking, and asks me if I'm going to come swimming at 8 tonight. I know that it was probably such a small thing to him, but it was thought-provoking and cheering to me. David, a flesh and blood guy, initiated something.

I wish this would happen more often. Y'know, I have a feeling this just might have something to do with giving it up to God... moral of the story" let God make the first move!

Caramel apple lollipops and Sunny Days

It's nearly 40 degrees today! It's not so much the temperature as it is the beautiful and radiant sun shinning down and warming the earth. Today was (is) the perfect day to be outside, so I took the sunny opporunity to walk to a store down the road. As I was checking out I saw something... Caramel-apple suckers! I adore the taste of the sour apple and gooey caramel; it brings back such good memories from my childhood. And I'd completely forgotten they existed till I saw them today.

This day is an ideal day for everything good and lovely. As I was walking back home from the store I ran into two of my friends walking to Subway together (they're dating). We stopped and talked for a bit- it was so nice, because normally you have to get the polite "Hi, how are you?" "good, you?" "good" dialogue out of the way very fast so you can move on to class- you know how it is I'm sure. But we both had the time to pause for a moment and give full attention to each other. They were talking about whether long hair on girls is natural or societal, and asked my opinion. So that's what I'll be thinking about for a while.

This morning terrific as well- the birds were singing! So many people didn't hear them though, honestly, I don't know how the adorable little chickadee's song could be overlooked. The branches of most trees are bare, but bright-red berries remain, munchies for our feathered friends.

Life is good, really good, I wish more people could experience this, could feel, could know the inexpressible joy God can give. Maybe someday I can help others see...

Lent: Day 2 "This is Crazy!"

God is faithful, I don't know why it seems so crazy to me. I say this because yesterday was so extremely busy, but I knew they were all important things to do, so I did what I could and made sure to put God first. I was tempted to put off my 40 minutes of alone time because I had a big project due the next day; instead I put God first because he truly is the most important. I just found out the class I would have had to present in is canceled. The teacher doesn't feel well, and I do pray that she gets better, but I am also thankful that I made the choice to put God first and that He helped me in my time of need. He's so good, so faithful to his followers.

Last night at Deeper I almost messed up on one of my lent sacrifices- #2 I think it is, about not initiating stuff with guys. I was talking with Jake Flannery and asked him if he liked to skate and what size his feet were- I was about to invite him to go skating some time when Stephanie said my name- it hit me then- I realized I had almost forgotten my sacrifice already. Tuesday night I had set up ice-skating with a friend, at first I didn't see him at Deeper, and silly me, my mind started to plan out how I could get ahold of him without initiating something. I stopped myself by realizing that what God wants to happen will happen. I simply gave it over to Him and worshiped. Ends up that David shows up and we do get to go ice-skating; not only that, but another friend is on the pond. Lesson: God provides to those who trust Him. I didn't think giving up boys would be this hard. I'm still not quite sure to what extent it is- I ate lunch with a guy from one of my classes today- I think that's okay, but I never really made any legalistic guidelines... Maybe that's a good thing- I'll trust God to convict me where I need conviction. It was a great lunch by the way, and we did pray before our meal, so I like to think God was right next to us enjoying lunch and edifying conversation.

This is crazy- I'm already learning so much about God and myself. He really is revealing Himself to me and showing me just how much I can depend on Him! Sleep? I do think I need to be a better steward and get some more sleep, because at the tail end of my Bible reading today I was having a hard time focusing/keeping my eyes open, and this is Acts we're talking about- not Leviticus!

PS I finished Acts today, the last 2 verses got me thinking...

And Paul stayed two full years in his own rented quarters and was welcoming all who came to him,preaching the kingdom of God and teaching concerning the Lord Jesus Christ with all openness, unhindered.

- Is this something God is calling me to do? It certainly sounds incredible- can you imagine it? A tiny little house, many friends and strangers cozily crowded together inside listening to their welcoming host as he/she speaks about their Lord Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God. It sounds so undeniably pleasant; perhaps something God will let me do someday.

Lent: Ash Wednesday

Day one

For Lent I finalized everything last night:

#1 40 minutes for 40 days of alone time with Jesus, to include at least 20 minutes of Bible reading. I memorized, prayed, and read from 1:30-2:15 today while my room-mate was in class, I left off in Acts 26. I'm working on getting Matthew 5:13-16 concretely memorized for tonight to recite to Wes. Praying, like always is good- I hope to incorporate more praying. This is the most important part of my "sacrificing" for Lent- I pray that God will draw me a lot closer to Him through it and reveal more of Himself to me.

#2 I de-activated my facebook account (this actually feels great because then I have an excuse for not checking it!) It's already caused a few bumps in the road- people can't just leave me a link to their blog or a great song they heard- instead, email will have to become more popular. Or even better face-to-face! This has already happened- I wanted to get together with my friend Valerie Sartor and I saw her at Ada's after class today, along with another friend of mine. This was great because I sat down and ate with them, we got to talk, it was just good all-around. This will just help with wasting less time and, hopefully, more "real" interaction with people.

#3 I am not initiating things with guys. It's a little weird to say "I'm sacrificing boys for Lent," but it is SO much better than it sounds! In essence, I am not the one calling my guy friends or facebooking them or going over to their dorms, if I am invited- then great- if not, then I'm not, and that's fine. For instance, last night I was asking a ton of people if they wanted to go ice-skating, David Shinabarger says that he would like to go on Wednesday (today) after Deeper. If he forgets it, then I'll go spend time just God and me (rather than the 3 of us) out on the ice. I think this will help me get closer to my girl friends since I can initiate things with them. That's good, because I definitely need more girlfriends.

In my Bible reading in Acts today I read about Paul presenting his case before King Agrippa; God really blessed Paul with persuasive speaking abilities. These few phrases stuck out to me:

And now I stand here on trial [to be judged on the ground] of the hope of that promise made to our forefathers by God, the same hope [of the Messiah and the resurrection] our twelve tribes confidently expect to realize as they fervently worship [without ceasing] night and day. And for that hope, O king, I am accused by Jews and considered a criminal! Why is it thought incredible by any of you that God raises the dead? I myself indeed was [once] persuaded that it was my duty to do many things contrary to and in defiance of the name of Jesus of Nazareth.

Thinking about Paul's testimony, I am really encouraged- God took someone who thought it was his job to act out against Jesus and transformed him into a passionate and persuasive follower. I like how he points out that the 12 tribes were confidently hoping AS they fervently worship night and day without ceasing. Their isn't just hope without worship, and their isn't worship without hope in the Messiah and His resurrection. It was an interesting thought to me.

Beauty

This is a song, Beauty of the Lord, by Jared Anderson. It's written to our Lord (obviously) so the line "You take my breath away" always gets me. God really does take my breath away. There are so few words, so few ways to express how His beauty and His beautiful image in creation steals my breath. The snow drifting from the clouds above and landing on my eyelashes, a prism of ice shining like a diamond, the flaming crimson sun as it sets in the west. God did this all out of His love for us... sigh... it takes my breath away.

Listen here

Jesus Your love
Is one step closer
I will trust
You will never let me go

Jesus Your love
Has won me over
All my trust
Has found no other

I will declare the beauty of the Lord
Nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord
Jesus Your love takes my breath away
Now I'm living everyday for the beauty of the Lord
The beauty of the Lord

You take my breath away
You take my breath away

Chasen

There's this new band that is really starting to grow on me. Chasen has some great lyrics and such clear voices, if you like Christian, worshipful-type music I would highly suggest them.

Lent Commitment!

Lent starts Ash Wednesday and ends after 3 PM on Good Friday - that's actually 44 days (Sundays aren't technically counted).

So what am I going to do for Lent? What can I sacrifice? The first thing that comes to mind is my love for all things sweet- but how much would that really benefit my relationship with God? (Let's not forget why we give things up). It wouldn't give me that much extra time- I can grab a cookie and shove it down my throat pretty fast.

Know what I think would be the most beneficial? Straight up spending more time with Jesus. 40 min./ day for 40 days. I like that thought. At first I was concerned though- do I have 40 extra minutes in my day? They are pretty jam-packed with stuff. Then conviction hit: Jesus does not deserve spare time in my life- he deserves the prime time. So that's what he's getting- for 40 days at least, and, hopefully for the rest of my life. Some things I will do are: read my Bible, pray/listen, journal to God, walk in His creation and praise Him, or worship Him on my guitar- but I will have no less than 20 minutes of Bible reading. I am sticking to this for 40 days- with God's massive amount of help I am sure!

One more thing came to mind: boys. I am going to sacrifice boys this Lent. Now that sounds pretty scary, so let me explain how and my rationale for it. I will commit to not initiating contact with guys during Lent- I will not purposefully seek them out by emailing, calling, visiting, or anything like that. This doesn't mean I won't respond to them- if they call and leave a message of course I'll call back, of course I'll eat with them or walk to class together- but I will not be initiating this kind of stuff. Why? I think far too often I am the pursuer- not even in a romantic way- just as a friend in general. But I want to focus on having more trust in God- this seems like an eye-opening way to do it.

I am really excited and feel like these two things will help me grow a lot closer to the Lover of my soul!

If life were a horror instead of a gift...

To write these words before thoughts flee my mind...
What if I were born in a different country
or a different race
if I were born on the streets and not a hospital
if my parents died and I had no home
would I be in the same place?
It is so likely that I could
A Nepali, one very heart beats for
abducted
stolen from her family
then stolen from herself
What would that fear be like?
The men atop me, clawing and breathing like animals
and when I am finally free for another day, but
I cannot lift my head from the shame which bows it down
shunned by society for sins I scream against
but there is no one to help me out
all ears deafened to my pleading scream
I cry out “save me”
everybody hears but no one walks my way
no, they all forge on and rush away

Munchies

As Haiti begins to fade from the headlines and our country turns its attention to things like the Super Bowl, the Olympics and American Idol, will we now turn our backs on Haiti? Will there still be vigils, concerts, and fundraisers? Or will we simply begin to move on?

The tragedy in Haiti began well before an earthquake leveled Port-au-Prince at 4:53 p.m. on January 12, killing as many as 200,000 and leaving millions inured and homeless. An earthquake of a magnitude equivalent to the Haiti disaster (7.0) hit the San Francisco area in 1989, but only 63 people were killed. Haiti was already the least-developed country in the Western Hemisphere. With an average income of only $520 a year, Haiti was among the poorest nations in the world and lacked basic education, healthcare, and infrastructure.

It is important that we not let mere charity replace true justice. The longstanding tragedy of this story is that it takes a tsunami or earthquake for us to wake up to the realities and vulnerabilities of extreme poverty and inequity. Perhaps the "good news about Haiti" is that we don't have to wait for another earthquake to get serious about poverty and injustice.

It can be hard to sustain a commitment of faith and justice when we aren’t flooded with a constant flow of stories, images and reminders. Pop stars return to selling albums, the television reverts back to new programs, elected leaders focus on the next campaign, and each of us naturally return to our own day-to-day lives.

What would it look like to move justice from an afterthought to the center of our community life? To re-examine how we view, spend and even earn money? To encourage our elected leaders to make international development a priority? And to truly pursue and carry out Christ’s “good news for the poor?”

The Hole in Our Gospel

- Relevant Magazine

Starving dogs, Chapel Speakers, and celibacy: to lose one dream or many?

I don't have a clever way to tie these two topics together- they are only two things that I want to talk about, that have recently impacted me- I'll start with the dog.

The other day I was running around in the biting cold, grabbing stuff for our superbowl event, on my way over to the garage I saw something that stirred my heart: a dog. He was less than a hundred meters away, my heart sped up- I love animals and rarely get to see them here at college (besides the evil black squirrels). I start calling the dog, he is hesitant, almost like the dogs in Latin American countries that roam the streets, abused and chided everywhere they go. I kneel down and sweeten my voice- summoning him with all of my unction. He trepadaitously trots on over to me, though his tail is in between his legs, as if he's already done something wrong, my heart is strangely saddened by that. As he is standing next to me sticking his nose out I begin to notice other things; he is an athletic dog- the kind that might belong in a "beware of the dog" yard, but his fur is coming off in random patches, and his ribs jut out, trying to make their way to the surface, through his patchy fur. I pet him- his fur isn't like the other dogs I've known- it is not soft or silky, their is no healthy sheen from eating premium dog food in his coat- that doesn't matter- it isn't his appearance, but the reason for why he looks this way- the dog is apparently hungry and homeless. How I wish I could take him home, but I remember I am on my way to get disposable cups, or some other wretched invention like that- and I am "working" so I can't give this dog the attention he needs and wants- I can't loiter, I must go back to my job. How I hope that someday I can love those like this dog, in a tangible way- that it could be my full-time occupation... and, if God wills, it certainly will be someday.

The chapel speaker was good- but what I really want to write about was the song he sang at the end. I wasn't looking at him, and he wasn't looking out to engage the crowd, we merely closed our physical eyes as he sang. I think that maybe, just maybe, that mere closure caused my spiritual eyes to open wider- to truly see the song, to see God and I living the song, rather than seeing the singer and stopping there. The song was an untitled hymn by Chris Rice "Come to Jesus", how Carlos Garcia's voice soared triumphantly and lowered into rich tones as he sang out this beautiful song. If we come, fall on, dance, cry, fly to Jesus we will live- that is a constant refrain in the song- it helped me to realize, or to remember, that only in Jesus can everything result in true life- when we run to others for comfort we are so often let down- a little part of us dies rather than being revived. And that is why we must always, why I must, sing, come, fall on, dance, cry to, dance for, and fly to Jesus FIRST; it doesn't mean I can never sing for others- it only means I must sing for Him first, in every song. When we "can't contain our joy inside" we should dance for Jesus- he won't judge or critique our passionate abandon for him- he will delight in it even as he dances with us. Others won't. Others can't fully know the joy within our hearts- there is always a veil in between us and every other person- except for God: Jesus came down and tore that veil for us! I wasn't planning on writing this- I thought I would write about how this song made me yearn once again to sing, it made me pray my prayer of old that I could sing, for my King. I don't want to sing well just to do it- but only to praise my Savior more gloriously; well enough that my pitch will not detract, but not so stunning as to distract from the worship of our Lord. I also had a revelation of sorts about celibacy that I'd like to write about, but this is far too long already, though it has been quite cathartic to write these thoughts down. Praise be to God!

Ticket-Take it!

Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth
Blood, sweat, and tears, partial price for this ticket
but rewards so far beyond the price
Life is our pass to the most worthy show
and to think some relinquish their ticket so easily...