Waiting...

I'm bad at it ...

unless it's waiting till the last minute.

Changing my name?

Who am I?
I've always had a very grounded concept of who I am, mostly grounded because of my love for God. Lately I've been learning that there is a lot of variation even amongst people who all love God. (I'll have you know that I am procrastinating right now- but I want to write so badly...)

For a long time I foolishly assumed that all the "true" passionate God-seeking people liked worship music above all else, maybe an occasional other song if it had strong Christian lyrics. But now, for the first time ever on a semi-regular basis, I've been listening to some music that isn't "Christian". Don't think I'm a bad person- it's mostly Anathallo, Sigur Ros, Sufjan Stevens- bands like that. I like them, but sometimes I miss just listening to "pure" worship music. I'm pushing myself out of my box, and that's good and all- but is it really beneficial? Does this glorify God more? It's hard to say sometimes.

"And I've been sparing my neck from their chain
And they've been changing the sound of my name
And I've been swimming to them in my sleep
And I've been dreaming our love and our freedom"
- House by the Sea by Iron and Wine

Have I been changing the sound of my name- the beat of my true heart- or am I just growing? I'm doing other things this year I've never done before- like right now I'm wearing one of my guy friend's sweaters- there's nothing wrong with that at all, but ... but what? It makes people think things? Maybe. Is that a problem? Maybe. Not sure.

I'm also (in the process of) learning contentment. If I feel God has told me something I need to be obedient to that and wait for Him. But oh, it's so hard! He's working though- it's weird because I can see it more now, as if I can step out of this moment and look down at where He's leading me- what He's doing. In any case I know that all will work together for the good of those who love Him- so I just have to love him.

Love: that's all I have to do.


PS happy almost Easter!

Resist temptations of all

I haven't done a Lent post for a while. I'm in 1 Kings and read an interesting story today, about a prophet who is sent to speak out against idol sacrificing. Anyhow, the king invites him to come and eat with him (God had told this man specifically to go back a different way and not eat or drink) so he resisted and did as God commanded. As he is on his journey another prophet comes to him, asking the same thing, except this man says God told him to do this. So the man of God goes. He ends up being killed by a lion because of it.

Makes me think about Christians- we have these standards, theologies that we hold to, which seem quite easy to hold against the world, for they are so dramatically opposed to God. Fellow Christians, on the other hand, can dissuade us from our standards perhaps more easily- strange and sad thing, isn't it?

WWW

It's been awhile. At first I was nuts about blogging, but there are some thoughts others just don't need to know. Yes, the web gives us so much anonymity, but the truth always comes to light. The internet makes us so one dimensional- there is no communicating with eye contact or body language. I could write a total lie. In real life there are nonverbal cues, not here though. I've seen it lead to assumptions and worse.

And with writing where people can see it's like there's this pressure to write well- to have an interesting life- if for no other reason than the awesome blog it will provide. I guess I'm just having mixed feelings about it right now. Like, I have another blog, and I write things here I wouldn't there. Oh, I don't know- I'm grateful for the internet, but it sure is weird!

Broken Bone, Faith alone

arm still broken: God still alive & in business

Fractured Faith

Something happened today- so many things- but typing is difficult, so I'll write only one... I was unicycling and fell backwards, very hard fall that I didn't see coming. it hurt; i writhed in pain, eventually going to my room and lying down, praying. i realized that my bone looked like it was jutting out of my wrist, just rather swollen really. I'd watched Finger of God, a doc about God's healings and miracles, a few hours earlier- I wanted God to do something crazy like that HERE!!Looks like he'll have to intervene- I cannot fix this and i don't have insurance- He is my only hope, i know he will do it in his perfect timing, Wed at 11 PM at the very latest. His love for me is so great i don't even need him to do this, but i think much glory could be brought to Him through this, to His glory,
Alyssa

Lent: Labor of Love

1 Thessalonians was a Godsend. I needed to read some things today, and those were it. He knows what I need. This phrase in the first chapter stuck out to me;

work produced by faith
labor prompted by love
endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ

Sometimes we just work, but it isn't the kind of work produced by faith- what does work produced by faith even look like? Well, if faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" how does that produce work? I could answer it, but you might have a different answer in mind, you'll be more convinced by yours I'm sure.

I'd like to write more about this, but why don't you just sit down and read 1 Thessalonians yourself- I promise you it's worth your time.

PS I don't have to initiate things, in fact, last night I un-initiated something, which was actually really good (I think).

Lent: Lead Me

It's so hard somedays.
To do those things I scream against.
I lied today, with good intent, saying what I wanted to be the truth... but it's not there yet, and I know my eyes told the story of my heart. I needed God's strength to do what I did, and still I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Not to mention I didn't enjoy doing it- perhaps that's good though, because obviously we enjoy sin to some extent or else it wouldn't be so addicting. I just pray God will continue to guide and lead me as I trust Him to do so. He has everything taken care of. Finished 2nd Samuel today- David has some great characteristics I would like to explore... In the last chapter (24) David wants to buy Araunah's threshing floor to build an altar to God. This is King David so of course Araunah is like "have everything you want," this is how David replies;

"But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."

Why bother sacrificing something that is no sacrifice at all?
God is more valuable than all and everything, yet we do not truly value him when we offer up our silly sacrifices that cost us nothing.

This song has been stuck in my head all day today, the words ring true:

Good God, if your song leaves our lips
If your work leaves our hands
Then we will be wonders and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are
How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men
- Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear (Underoath)

Lent: ZZZZ

I love God and am grateful for two specific things right now: #1 the great time I had with Him today, #2 the beautiful weather #3 2nd Samuel and the whole bible #4 for amazing friends and quality time with them... that's more than two, but in my mind they are two: God and people. I need to spend some time preparing for major events of tomorrow, and sleep is becoming necessary soon (I was so looney later tonight- lack of sleep apparently does that to you- who knew?)

Fall asleep in the arms of He who Loves you.

Lent: honor Him

Have I sung God's praises today? Well, yes, but I can certainly do it again! I realized around 8 tonight that I hadn't spent my alone time with Him (it's especially easy to forget on Sundays). For some reason, (I know the reason, but would rather not say) I had such a hard time settling down, and wanting to spend the time with him. I ended up spending a nice chunk of time with him, and it was wonderful. He blessed me in numerous ways (don't feel like listing them all because they go so far beyond the scope of a list) because He loves me and I am learning how to honor him with my life!