I've always had a very grounded concept of who I am, mostly grounded because of my love for God. Lately I've been learning that there is a lot of variation even amongst people who all love God. (I'll have you know that I am procrastinating right now- but I want to write so badly...)
For a long time I foolishly assumed that all the "true" passionate God-seeking people liked worship music above all else, maybe an occasional other song if it had strong Christian lyrics. But now, for the first time ever on a semi-regular basis, I've been listening to some music that isn't "Christian". Don't think I'm a bad person- it's mostly Anathallo, Sigur Ros, Sufjan Stevens- bands like that. I like them, but sometimes I miss just listening to "pure" worship music. I'm pushing myself out of my box, and that's good and all- but is it really beneficial? Does this glorify God more? It's hard to say sometimes.
"And I've been sparing my neck from their chain
And they've been changing the sound of my name
And I've been swimming to them in my sleep
And I've been dreaming our love and our freedom"
- House by the Sea by Iron and Wine
Have I been changing the sound of my name- the beat of my true heart- or am I just growing? I'm doing other things this year I've never done before- like right now I'm wearing one of my guy friend's sweaters- there's nothing wrong with that at all, but ... but what? It makes people think things? Maybe. Is that a problem? Maybe. Not sure.
I'm also (in the process of) learning contentment. If I feel God has told me something I need to be obedient to that and wait for Him. But oh, it's so hard! He's working though- it's weird because I can see it more now, as if I can step out of this moment and look down at where He's leading me- what He's doing. In any case I know that all will work together for the good of those who love Him- so I just have to love him.
Love: that's all I have to do.
PS happy almost Easter!
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