A Battle Which Wageth

There is a battle I've chosen to wage
inside my heart, my mind I engage
Some days,
most days
My mind seems to be winning
and falling out, every underpinning

What about the day when my heart will finally win
when I surrender and let you pull me slowly in?
That glorious day, so far away, what will I say
When that day is no longer a frightening day

My mind used to win so much more
but my heart has something in store
yet another wily trick up its' sleeve
whipping it out my mind to grieve
because I just can't decide
it's becoming slow suicide
the martyrdom of my heart and mind
for decision is something I just can't find

I asked him if he'd wait for me
cuz strong is something I can't be
-he said he'd be honored to be strong
so I'm still holding on, I'm holding on

The target of someone's pursuit
I ask myself; the Spirit's fruit,
or product of false intimacy acute?
does something greater wait to root?

Christ first, and always foremost
already in His arms, drawn close
that he would choose to pursue
well, obviously, I don't know what to do...