Lent: day something

God is good. I have been learning a ton and growing a lot closer to him through Lent. Now I am concerned about not getting enough alone time with Him over the summer. You see, I'll be serving Him and others all day, but we still need to take time to just be together. I don't know how, but I will make sure there is time.

We kind of went on a date tonight, just walking around outside and talking, the snow falling ever so gently. He kept me company and kept me warm. And He gave me the right desires, the ones he wanted to fulfill tonight. He is my provider. I am praying for the funds to go to Hamtramck this Spring break, and, knowing Him, it is already on the way and in the works. I'll lean back and trust him- with that, and with everything. He knows what I need, so he'll provide it, I don't even know what I need- so there's no way I can provide it. Speaking of which, something funny happened yesterday in Centennial gardens, dealing with prayer, but I'd rather not write it here...

Praise His holy name!

Lent, yesterday

It was quite early last night when I finally got into bed, so I didn't blog. It was worth it though- I had a great night of fellowship with like-minded friends. I have met someone with similiar passions, and it's such a blessing to just be around and hear that person's heart. God is good in more ways than a million!

Don't really have much to write (on here) about yesterday. I'm coming along on memorizing Matthew 5 (then the rest of the sermon on the mount), it really helps that a friend is doing it with me! I wish I could have all of God's word in my heart.

In my bible reading yesterday I recall reading about how David said to the Lord, "I'm living in a palace of Cedar, while tthe ark of God is still living in a tent!?" (paraphrased)God replies with the fact that he hasn't dwelt in a tent since bringing the Israelites out of Egypt. God doesn't need big fancy churches, what he'd really love is humble, clean, holy houses dedicated to Him.

Several times in my reading I also noticed people "Celebrating with all their might" what does this look like? I want to celebrate God will my might! Do I already? I don't think I always do- I'll work on that today.

Lent Day 7: It's (only) been one week

Today was jam packed, sadly, no homework involved. God was certainly involved though, and that made it great! Woke up for prayer early despite the late night- God must really want me there- (here I am, up late again). The day was good, you showed yourself powerful in chapel, once again. I went to lunch and got to eat with Phil and discuss Furious Love (an amazing documentary about how God is moving throughout the world, bringing the light of love to darkness), it was so edifying. I always knew there was something different about him, now I know it's you God. Talking with Charlene afterwards was great- just a time of confession as we both spilled things we struggle with- Lent is bringing a lot of my deficiencies to light. Later on I got to go see Beauty and the Beast performed, it was nice to get off campus and see some acting (decent, but not drop-dead amazing). That's not the point though. The point is that I saw "real" people, the kind who buy a bottle of beer during intermission and drink in a circle, chatting with their friends. There was this one guy who caught my eye. No reason really, just a suit jacket with elbow patches, longer hair, interesting glasses, and a confident strut. Not the type of guy you would see on our campus though. I stood on the balcony above, watching their group for a little bit, just wondering what it was like- do they feel empty inside, do they know better and brighter things? I wanted so badly to bring light to their world, to know what it is like inside of their heads, in their lives. After the play I went over and talked to him (I had been staring at his glasses and turned to my friend, commenting on them, I didn't want him to think I was one of those people talking about him right in front of his eyes). I asked if I could try on his glasses, he asked if I was feeling lucky (not sure why). He swore a bit, just part of his vocabulary, it's weird how we even speak a different language. How could I despise him for his speech though? It would be akin to despising a native for speaking the most naturally in their own tongue. I chatted with him for a bit, I hope I brought something to him, though after my guy friends said I was flirting, as we rode back to campus, I don't know what kind of light I brought. So that's the thing with this Lenten sacrifice- I can still have the wrong motives- I can initiate something with someone and not mean a thing, and I can accept an invitation but have the most sinful motives. It's hard, but it may be getting easier. After I returned from the play I ran into some girlfriends from my core last year, we went to Wal-Mart together, it was so enjoyable, just chilling with the girls, I thank God for our time together (he knows when I need to spend more time with girls)!

Started 2nd Samuel today what always stands out is the love Jonathan and David had. When David heard of Jonathan's death he said; (2 Samuel 1:26) "I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother, you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."
What is that like? How can I be a friend like that? It is something I intend to discover, but for now I think I will go share some intimacy with my pillow!

Lent Day 6: Faithful through my Faithlessness

I feel like I've been repeating myself lately, in saying that God is too good. Too good for me at the very least. What he does, how he gives, I don't deserve that- any of it. His loves transcends and surpasses all I expect and can hope for. Basically he blows my mind and pursues my heart every single day.

Today I once again fell asleep reading my Bible- I need to get more sleep or something-(as I write this at 1:15 in the morning). So I sat up and finished up Romans- there is so much in there, so many truths. I know this is cliched, but Romans 13:8 is a verse I am draw to. "Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law." That's it. That's all God ever wanted- for us to love Him- to love each other, those created in His image. Love was too big for us to comprehend so He had to break it down "don't do this and don't do that," but that's not really love, only as close as we can get sometimes.

I wish I could love more.
I need more of God to ever hope to do that.
A lack of intimacy with God is the source of every problem.
As we fall away from love we lose everything that is good and true.
When we near the living flame of love the bad is burnt away, leaving more room for love. I need more room for love. I guess that's why I'm doing this Lenten fast- I want to get rid of the things that take up space in my heart that I could give to God, to Love.

Realized something today... God knows my petty worries (the ones that seem so giant to me), and he provides. Inside I was dying to be with some of my guy friends, but I can't initiate anything: I feel so helpless sometimes. But God is never helpless, and He always helps me. Don't know why- I certainly don't deserve it- Love is so hard to wrap my mind around. God gives because He loves me so much, he is so attentive to my cries that he hears the longings I whisper in the dark of night. When I want to give up and fail He leads me instead to fall on my face before Him and watch as He provides.

I desire so deeply for everyone to know God like this- to see Him as truly living- ALIVE in their very lives.

An interesting verse to consider is Romans 14:23

Thank you SO much Jesus!

Lent Day 5: Crazy Day, learn to PRAY!

Hmmmm... today was one of those days- the crazy kind- but not crazy hectic or horrible, no, none of that: it was crazy good! I did wake up with a bloody nose, it was actually quite scary, the way it was coming out in gobs- and if I leaned my head back it would go down my throat and I would cough up blood. I just wanted it to stop so I could go to prayer. I was on my bed, kind of waiting it out, when I realized I could pray. I cried out to my healer, and he heard and stopped my bloody nose (got to prayer meeting just in time). Then my class that I was concerned about giving a prose reading in got canceled due to the beautiful snow!(also an answer to prayer) and then Benjamin Baker spoke at chapel today- about prayer.

Prayer has been a constant thought in my mind lately; something I'm striving to do more of. Dr. Baker said something (several somethings) that made me think: could it be if we just learned to pray we would learn all other things and fulfill our calling? He spoke of how he was lifter, liberator, savior, and source- basically everything- no, totally everything- so why don't we call on his name more? He said prayer shouldn't just be informational but transformational. We should pray because we are hungry and need to eat. Interesting thoughts- I told myself I would pray more today.

I did my 40 minutes with Jesus today, kind of different this time though. I was doing my devos, but I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open or recite my bible verse, so I fell asleep halfway through. I re-did/finished my devos later, reading through Romans, and it is such an amazing book, I thank God for the ways he speaks. For some reason I was so convicted and brought to prayer by reading Romans (I don't know if I read it for 20 minutes, but I couldn't go on) I got down on my knees and cried out to God. Time flew by like a rocket, and God was so present, his glory everywhere, I was brought so much nearer to Him. It's weird, crazy actually... no, I reckon it's just God working.

This verse stuck out to me, it's Romans 8:13
For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live
If we let sin rule in us we die if we let the Spirit put the sin to death we live. So sin=death but death by the Spirit=life -- a paradox, but so sensible.

I want to be so close to God that I know Him by His first name...

watched "Furious Love" tonight- so much to think about...

A Glimpse into Her World

Can I just say that God is SO good? Honestly, he always, ALWAYS provides for me- even the silly little things that I am too ashamed to ask for. I really needed to practice my prose reading for class today, and in between prayer,class, chapel, class there is no time to do that. I could have skipped prayer, but I feel like skipping out on God doesn't give more or better time, so I stayed with Him. And guess what? Not only was my first class canceled (hurray I can practice!) but on the way back to my dorm I found out that the one I needed to present in was also canceled!

So now I'm sitting in my class just kind of rejoicing. It's in the simple joys, the uncomplicated gifts God gives me everyday of my life (sometimes I get caught up looking for the complicated or catastrophic circumstance to be delivered from, or other foolish things that we humans hope for and do).

Yesterday was a crazy wonderful day in about ten different ways. It wasn't spectacularly unusual by worldly standards- I didn't even go off campus- but that didn't matter. I got to swing dance and be with friends. However, what especially touched me was last night after all the homework and dancing...

I went to the library to print off some homework, and as I sit down to practice my reading (that was to be performed today in class)I notice something: a girl I have never met before. Now, this isn't absolutely out of the question- there are new freshman on campus. As I got to talking with her though I learned that she was actually 27 and is a violin teacher, her name is Elizabeth, isn't that beautiful? She said she had seen me before- that she'd been coming to this library about three times a week for a couple years- I was shocked. Am I really that ignorant about people I don't know? I'd have not liked to think so- but perhaps I am. I asked her if anyone had ever talked to her, or tried to have a conversation; she said she was rather shy and always tried to sit out of the way, that she never really wanted to (not sure if I totally believe she didn't want to talk, only that she was too afraid to) before. But that tonight as she came she said she might talk to someone, that she wouldn't be opposed if someone talked to her. I am so SO glad that she let me talk with her, that she gave me a small glimpse into her world.

Lent Day 5: Time with my Man

Jesus that is.

I was going to do my daily Bible reading today (in Romans now) and opened instead to Ruth. So I read it. I am glad I did; Ruth was part of Christ's family line, I wanted to know why. I noted what was said about her/the characteristics portrayed, here they are;

*Devoted: 1:14 "Ruth clung to her"
*Determined: 1:18 "realized that Ruth was determined to go"
*Respectful 2:10 "she bowed down with her face to the ground"
*Humble " "Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me- a foreigner?"
*Hard-working 2:18 "how much she had gathered"
*Obedient 3:5 "I will do whatever you say"
*Kind 3:10 "this kindness is greater than you showed earlier"
*Noble character 3:11 "all my fellow townsmen know you are a woman of n.c."
*Loving 4:15 "your daughter-in-law, who loves you, and is better to you than 7 sons"

Yup, so those are definitely characteristics I'd like to cultivate.

And that Boaz guy- he sounded pretty nice too ;)